


The One I've Been Missing

by LarryLashton98



Category: Fan Art - Sarah Tregay
Genre: Airplanes, Airports, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Carrie Peterson is the Best Mother Ever, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Music, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depressed Jamie Peterson, Depressed While Listening to Christmas Music, Depression, Emotional Christmas Phone Calls, Emotional Family Feels, Facetime, Family Feels, Flights, Hugs, Hurt Jamie Peterson, Hurt Mason Viveros, Jamie Peterson Needs a Hug, M/M, Mason Viveros Can't Come Home For Christmas, Mason Viveros Needs a Hug, Mason Viveros goes to Princeton University, Overnight Calls, Princeton University, References to Depression, Reunions, Separations, Sick Jamie Peterson, Sleepy Cuddles, Soulmates, Travel, seasonal depression, travelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryLashton98/pseuds/LarryLashton98
Summary: Mason is at Princeton University and he’s supposed to come home for his and Jamie’s first Christmas as boyfriends. Too bad the universe seems keen on keeping them apart.“Hey, how are things over there?”“Um. Well,” Mason said, and Jamie could tell from his tone that it wasn’t good news he was about to share.“Mace? What is it?”“I- I’m so sorry-”A pit started deepening in Jamie’s stomach, cold dread seeping into his limbs. The rest of his sentence could go in any direction and Jamie didn’t have a clue as to what it would be.“Maso-?”“-I don’t think I can come home for Christmas.”
Relationships: Jamie Peterson/Mason Viveros
Kudos: 2





	The One I've Been Missing

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a Christmas fic for a few years now, but they always ended up lost in my folder of Fan Art fanfics where they get lost and forgotten. I didn't want that to happen with this one, so, since I started it in September, I've spent a lot of time dedicated to this fic (when I wasn't writing other fics (Kinktober and others) or busy with university). It's coming along well, but not enough to have the full fic posted at the same time, which is unfortunate, since I was hoping to post it as a oneshot. Oh well. I decided to post this because I wanted you all to have something to read over Christmas, even if it was only part of the fic. Hopefully I'll get the rest up soon!
> 
> This is 100% inspired by Little Mix's song 'One I've Been Missing' and the idea for the soulmate part came from imaginetheotp's post.  
> https://larrylashton98.tumblr.com/post/630728540948742144/imaginetheotp-i-want-a-soulmate-au-where-their

Jamie was at the kitchen table, talking to his mom when the alarm on his phone went off to give him a five-minute reminder for his daily phone call with Mason. With the time difference and their different schedules, they found it easiest to set a specific time for them to talk to each other which they had stuck to. There had been a few exceptions when one of them- usually Mason, though sometimes Jamie- was busy during that time, to which they rescheduled.

But Mason hadn’t asked for a rain check, so Jamie started to make his way to his room while his mom raised her voice to say; “Say hi to Mason for me!” as she had every time.

“Yeah,” he shouted back, bounding up the stairs.

The usual cold and drained feeling had deepened in his chest, building stronger and stronger every day he went without being with his soulmate, but hearing his voice over the phone and seeing his face through the screen helped to lessen the ache for a little while. Jamie would typically feel fine for the rest of the evening but he’d wake up with the underlining tired grogginess digging into him that would drag him down until he next talked to Mason for the temporary release. Every day he’d wake up feeling a little worse than the day previous and it would keep getting worse until he next saw his boyfriend, which would be in a couple of days.

Mason’s exams finished later than his- his last one was in less than 24 hours- and he would be coming home the day after that. Jamie was going to pick him up from the airport and cuddle him until he could breathe without a vice locked around his heart and lungs. He wouldn’t let him out of his sight until Mason would go to his sister’s apartment and see the rest of his family.

The anticipation of the balm for his aching heart was enough for Jamie to smile as he made himself comfortable on his bed, waiting for the call to come in. He didn’t have to wait long.

“ _Hey,_ ” Mason greeted as soon as Jamie answered. He sounded tired and Jamie wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him and hold him close.

“Hey yourself. How are things over there? Also, Mom says hi.”

“ _Um. Well,_ ” Mason said, skipping over his mom’s greeting, and Jamie could tell from his tone that it wasn’t good news he was about to share.

“Mace? What is it?”

“ _I-I’m so sorry-_ ”

A pit started deepening in Jamie’s stomach, cold dread seeping into his limbs. The rest of his sentence and the call could go in any direction and Jamie wasn’t given a clue as to what it would be. He had no idea where Mason was going with it and it worried Jamie. He sounded so regretful while everything had been fine on their last call and Jamie wondered what had happened since then.

Had someone gotten hurt? Was Mason in trouble? Had something gone wrong? Had someone pressured Mason into doing something he didn’t want to?

“Maso-?”

“- _I don’t think I can come home for Christmas._ ”

Jamie fell silent.

That… wasn’t what he was expecting to hear.

Of all the thoughts and worries that flew through his head, that wasn’t one of them. He was preparing himself to hear the worst, but somehow this topped it. He wasn’t expecting to be denied seeing Mason for the holidays. He didn’t-

It was like the world had been pulled out from under his feet in the deafening silence following the rushed confession. Jamie was suddenly very glad that he was already sitting.

This was their first Christmas together as boyfriends and it was supposed to be everything he could’ve dreamed of- of kisses and mistletoe and cuddling and movies and being _together_. He’d been excited for their first New Year’s kiss. They’d always had the holidays together, ever since they met back in grade three when Jamie moved to Boise.

For the past ten years, they’d been spending their lives together. Before they went to opposite coasts for university, the longest they’d been apart was the month and a half Mason was in Mexico six years ago. Now they’d already been apart for four months- more than twice as long as that dreadful summer- and Jamie had been clinging to the winter holidays to get him through his exams. Jamie had even started a countdown the day Mason booked his flight into Idaho and there were only two days left. Mason and he had _promised_ they’d see each other and his stomach churned at breaking that promise.

“ _Jamie?_ ” Mason asked after he still hadn’t said anything.

“What?” His voice came out pathetically small and timid.

“ _I know, I’m so sorry._ ”

Despite the cold fear from not knowing what Mason was going to tell him, the ache deep in his heart from not seeing his best friend, his boyfriend, his soulmate since August, and the dread of not seeing him for even longer, a part of him still warmed at the knowledge that the time and distance between them didn’t change their relationship. Mason still knew he was responding to the news and not asking him to repeat himself.

His mind caught on the third realization, though; he wasn’t going to be seeing Mason until the end of the winter semester. He was going to have to go longer without the physical presence of his soulmate. It wouldn’t be impossible, but it’d hurt. It _did_ hurt already, so much more now than before. It was like his heart was flushed down the drain.

“But-” He hated the way the single syllable cracked.

“ _I’m so sorry, baby._ ”

“Why? Why can’t-”

“ _Many reasons, I’m afraid,_ ” Mason said and Jamie’s heart squeezed painfully. “ _There’s a storm heading for New York and we’re in its path so all flights for the next week have been suspended, one of my profs asked that I stay to work on a project I’m a part of, while another has assigned a paper for the start of next semester that requires resources only available on campus and in the library here._ ”

With every justification, the vice tightened a little more until Jamie felt like he couldn’t breathe. His bottom lip began to tremble and he bit down hard. It was like the whole world was against them, intent on keeping them apart.

“ _Jamie?_ ” Mason’s voice was a comfort just out of reach. A warmth he couldn’t bury himself into. Not this time.

His breathing hitched.

“ _Oh, baby._ ”

Then the tears started to fall and Jamie let out a sob.

Mason spoke soft words in his ear and Jamie felt terrible. His wonderfully amazing boyfriend was comforting _him_ when it wasn’t Jamie who couldn’t go home. Jamie had already been home with his family for a few days while Mason was still out on the east coast to finish his semester. He’d been with his mom, sisters, and Frank while Mason was alone, yet Mason was the one consoling him as he cried.

“ _Would facetiming help?_ ” Mason asked and, through his tone, Jamie could hear how helpless he must be feeling.

Jamie whimpered. He moved his phone from his ear to hold it in front of him and then Mason’s face was filling his screen. A new set of tears streamed down Jamie’s face.

Mason looked worse than he sounded. There was a tightness to his body, tense from stress and lack of sleep. The bags under his eyes were obvious despite his glasses reflecting the light of his phone that usually hid the darkened skin. His exhaustion made his eyes dull and heavy and his hair was a mess. It was dark behind him and Jamie knew it was late.

“ _Baby,_ ” Mason said sadly and Jamie wiped uselessly at his eyes.

When he caught his breath enough, he asked; “All of this happened today?”

Mason’s shoulders slump. “ _Yes. The professor who asked me to stay emailed me this morning asking me to go to his office to talk about the project along with the other students on it. The other professor sent his email while I was in the meeting with the first professor, and I didn’t hear about the flights until an hour ago._ ”

Jamie clasped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his cries, clenching his eyes shut.

“ _I’m so sorry,_ ” Mason apologized for the hundredth time and Jamie hated it. He hated how they were being pulled apart by forces they couldn’t control. He hated that Mason felt like he had to apologize for it.

Grateful that he was already on his bed, Jamie climbed under the covers and cried, staying on the phone until his eyes began to droop shut. They were puffy and tender from his tears and it hurt to keep them open.

“ _Go to sleep, sweetheart,_ ” Mason said gently. “ _I’ll still be here when you wake up._ ”

“You don’t know that,” Jamie mumbled, but it sounded so nice. They hadn’t tried keeping a call on for the entire night before and he had to admit that he’d welcome waking up to Mason’s face and voice with open arms.

“ _You don’t know that I won’t. Plug your phone in._ ”

Jamie did as Mason did the same. He wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity. Not when he could feel his stomach starting to roll and clench as he thought about not seeing Mason until April or May.

“Are you feeling okay about your exam tomorrow?” Jamie asked, wanting to change the subject to something, anything, that wouldn’t break his heart further. “Should you be studying? Wait, no,” he frowned. “It’s late. You should be sleeping.”

Mason smiled gently at Jamie’s tired fussing. “ _I will be going to sleep as soon as you do. I’m pretty confident about the exam. It’s in the afternoon, so I’ll have time to do some last-minute review in the morning._ ”

They chatted quietly while they got ready for bed. Jamie unplugged his phone for a few minutes to bring it to the bathroom while he brushed his teeth and flossed. As he did, Mason changed- well, undressed. He stripped off his shirt and pants and climbed in his bed in just his boxers. In the few moments between him clearing his textbooks and notebooks from the blankets and climbing under them, Jamie appreciated the contours of his muscles highlighted and shadowed from the bedside lamp.

When they were both back in bed, Jamie put his phone on the pillow next to him and pretended that Mason was next to him instead of 2500 miles away.

He was about to drift off when he heard Mason say, “ _Goodnight, Jamie. I love you._ ”

“‘ l’ve y’too,” Jamie mumbled, the words barely distinguishable.

* * *

When Jamie woke up, he rubbed at his eyes and shoved away the urge to roll over and go back to sleep.

“ _Jamie?_ ” he heard Mason’s voice say and his heart skipped a beat as his sleep-idled mind pictured Mason in the room with him for a second before he remembered.

“Mhmm?” he hummed, feeling around his bed for his phone. His fingers knocked into the corner and he was about to pick it up when it tumbled off the edge of the mattress.

“ _Wow, rude. You’re really going to kick me out like that?_ ”

Jamie couldn’t help but let out a tired giggle at Mason’s mock-offended tone as he picked his phone up off the ground, checking the screen for cracks. He then looked at Mason’s image, which showed him sitting at his desk, a textbook open in front of him. “Hi, baby.”

Mason smiled at his phone. “ _Sweetheart. How’d you sleep?_ ”

Unplugging his phone and sitting up, Jamie ran a hand through his messy hair and rubbed at his eyes. “Better,” he answered honestly.

It was the truth. Hearing Mason’s steady breathing for more than half an hour must have helped, along with the knowledge that if he needed him, Mason was figuratively _right there_. There wouldn’t be sending a text message and waiting for an unspecified amount of time for the possibility of a reply, all he would have had to do was talk to him. And if Mason was asleep, he’d probably wake up at his voice, which Jamie didn’t like the thought of. Mason hadn’t been getting enough sleep and Jamie would feel guilty about waking him.

He had gotten used to feeling a weight on his chest in the mornings, though it wasn’t as prominent with him waking up to Mason’s voice and pixellated face. There was the downside of the emotional exhaustion from crying so much the night before, but it wasn’t as bad as the toll from being separated from his soulmate.

“What about you? How long have you been up?”

Mason put down his book to give Jamie his full attention and smiled again. “ _Better_ ,” he echoed. “ _I woke up two or three hours ago and there wasn’t a- what did you call it? An elephant on a bowling ball? Yeah, that’s it. There wasn’t an elephant on a bowling ball on my chest._ ”

Jamie groaned while Mason laughed. He’d said that once, when he was tired and it slipped out, and Mason hadn’t let it go.

“Why must you mock me so,” he cried dramatically, flopping back onto his pillows.

“ _Aww, Jamie,_ ” Mason cooed. “ _You know I love you._ ”

Curling onto his side, Jamie cradled his phone in front of his face. “I love you too. Why haven’t we done this sooner?”

“ _Well_ ,” Mason said thoughtfully. “ _I guess we didn’t need to until now._ ”

 _That’s debatable_ , Jamie thought to himself.

“ _But now we know we can do this, if we need to again._ ”

 _If?_ Jamie silently interjected again. Was Mason handling this better than Jamie was, if he didn’t think he’d need for another overnight call as much as Jamie? Jamie knew he was more emotionally driven than Mason and wore his heart on his sleeve too much, but surely Mason was affected by the distance as much as he was.

“ _Jamie?_ ”

Snapped out of his thoughts, Jamie looked up from where he was fiddling with the edge of his blanket. Mason was watching him with a concerned expression on his face. “Yeah?”

“ _I lost you for a moment; where did you go?_ ”

“Sorry, I just-” he was about to say he zoned out for a second, but he knew it was better to tell the truth. “You said ‘if.’”

Mason’s eyebrows scrunched together. “ _What?_ ”

“You said ‘if,’” he repeated. “‘If we need this again.’ Do you think that you- that _we_ won’t need this again? I don’t understand. Are you not…” He trailed off, averting his eyes. Not wanting to ask if Mason wasn’t as hurt by this as he was.

“ _Oh, Jamie. That’s not what I… I do think we’ll need this again. I know it will get worse and there are going to be patches where it will feel like we won’t be able to make it through, but we will. I know this will help us when we need it and I have no problem admitting that I’ll need the help. I guess- I guess I accidentally said ‘if’ because part of me thought that if we pretend it’s not so bad, it’ll make it easier. It was wrong, I know, and for that I’m sorry. Let me rephrase: Now we know we can do this, the next time we need it._ ”

“Okay.” Jamie smiled, satisfied with Mason’s answer. It did sound like an honest mistake. “Sorry for-”

“ _No, no. It was my mistake. Don’t apologize._ ”

“When’s your exam?” Jamie asked, abruptly changing the subject.

Mason gave him a look that said he knew what he was doing, but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he looked at his watch and said, “ _In 2 and a half hours._ ”

“I should let you go, then, shouldn’t I?” Jamie didn’t want to stop talking to him, but Mason’s education was important and he was paying a lot to take his courses; the exam included. He really didn’t want to mess with Mason’s head while studying and throw him off, impacting his grade.

“ _Probably_.” Mason didn’t sound eager to hang up, either. But that could be him not wanting to take the exam. Jamie wasn’t fond of his exams, and no doubt Mason’s were worse. By worse, he meant more challenging and stressful. “ _And you should have breakfast-_ ”

Jamie must’ve made a face because Mason cut himself off to give him a look that he chose not to examine.

“ _I know this sucks- it sucks a lot- but you still need to eat. You still need to take care of yourself so you’ll be okay next time we see each other._ ”

“Yeah,” he agreed, half-heartedly.

“Jamie,” Mason said purposely. “ _I don’t want to find you half-dead when I see you in, I don’t know, April? May? I’d like my boyfriend alive, thank you very much. Take care of yourself, okay? Promise me you’ll take care of yourself._ ”

Jamie was touched that Mason was still looking out for him despite being on the opposite side of the country. He didn’t feel like eating, but Mason asked him to promise him he would, so he did.

“ _Thank you._ ” Mason looked down at his textbook and notebook, then his watch, then back to his phone. “ _Alright, I should go. Go eat and I’ll talk to you later. In like, nine, ten hours._ ”

Kissing his fingertips, Mason pressed them to his phone and Jamie felt its phantom warmth before mimicking the gesture. He almost said ‘I’ll see you soon’ like he had for the past week and his heart sank when he had to bite it back. Just like that, the tears were building behind his eyes again.

“I love you,” he said instead.

“ _I love you, too._ ”

And then the screen went dark as the call ended.

Jamie closed his fingers around his phone and held it to his chest, closing his eyes as a lone tear slipped down his cheek. He promised Mason he’d have breakfast, but he wasn’t in the mood for it, nor did he have the will to pull himself out of bed.

“Hey, sweetie,” his mom said when Jamie stumbled into the kitchen over 15 minutes later. “Are you okay?”

He paused with his hand on the fridge door, wondering what she knew and what she was asking about. Did Mason tell her? Did he look like a mess? He certainly felt like one.

“I heard you crying last night,” she explained.

“Oh. Yeah, um.” The lump was back in his throat. “Mason, um. He can’t…” He didn’t want to say it out loud. It would cement the idea. He wouldn’t be able to deny the night before and what Mason told him. He took a deep breath and said, “He can’t come home. He has to stay.”

He wasn’t looking at his mom, but he heard her quiet gasp. “At all? For the whole break?”

There were tears in his eyes again when he nodded, staring at the floor.

“Oh, baby.” She walked over to him and pulled him into a hug as he started crying again. “I’m so sorry.”

After the tears stopped falling, Jamie swiped some toast and dropped onto the couch in the living room. Without anything to do, he stayed there watching meaningless nothings on the TV until he was too bored to pretend to watch and turned it off. The silence then got to be too much and he turned on the radio as he messed around on his phone.

The next day was an echo of the first, passing in a slow, endless blur and he didn’t have any motivation to do something with himself other than laying draped on the couch. His mom made him go with her to the store to get him out of the house and for him to get some fresh air. He didn’t feel better, just colder from the winter wind.

The Christmas music on the radio- which he usually found uplifting- felt wrong and most of them made Jamie’s mood worsen. It seemed like all of them were about being with your significant other or soulmate, while others were about how it’s the most wonderful time of the year. It certainly didn’t feel like it. He had to turn off the radio when _I’ll Be Home For Christmas_ came on. Then, after getting a look from his mom that seemed an awful lot like pity, he turned it back on and changed the station. _Feliz Navidad_ wasn’t any better. It wasn’t about being with a specific person, but it was in Spanish and Mason spoke Spanish and Jamie was missing Mason. It was at that point he knew he was spiralling and subconsciously looking for reasons to not like the song selections, but he didn’t care enough to try and stop himself. Instead, he let it fester and grate at him like an itch.

Then, when he was back on the couch, there was this song that he hadn’t heard before, yet it caught his attention from the first line. The female artists somehow managed to capture the constant underlying thought running through his head. He stopped what he was doing on his phone to listen.

It was simple, starting with a light instrumentation and a background voice saying ‘to the one I’ve been missing.’ Then the first verse started and Jamie was already riveted somehow. The girl sang about not being around the person who the song was obviously about; the person she was missing.

It amazed Jamie how he related to and loved the song so much, without even hearing the full track. The line ‘you’ve been on my mind a million times’ was too accurate. It was like there was a constant stream of thoughts in his mind about Mason over the course of the semester, though he wouldn’t have been able to pick apart separate thoughts even if he tried.

Then, during the chorus, a different girl began singing about how she was ‘gone for so long’ and how much she needed ‘to show you just how much I love you this Christmas,’ and, _fuck_ , it made his heart hurt.

He wanted to show his love for Mason- he wanted to so fucking much it hurt. He hadn’t been aware of his feelings for Mason around Christmas the year before, when they were still in high school, and he was really looking forward to being with his boyfriend. He wanted to shower him with kisses and hold him tight. He wanted- he _needed_ to be with him.

The second verse had a similar theme to the first: how much she missed ‘you’ and how she wanted to make it up to them, by sitting by fires and dreaming together. The first two lines, in particular, resonated with Jamie and it made him sad, because he didn’t want to relate to it. ‘I feel too lonely to sleep, boy, when you’re on the wrong side of the world.’ He had been struggling with sleep recently with Mason so far away, and he knew it would only get worse without the physical contact his body had been craving for the past four months.

The other lines about there being no better gift than being together didn’t help. Spending Christmas with Mason was going to be the best gift he could’ve hoped for; no better gift, just like the lyrics said. The following line hurt; ‘Now that I have you here.’ No. No, he didn’t have Mason with him and his heart squeezed tight with grief.

The girl also sang about waiting all year to be with ‘you’ and Jamie was grateful that he didn’t have to wait a year, though it would be two-thirds of a full year when he next saw Mason. Even though it had only been one semester, it felt like he had been waiting forever to be with his best friend.

While Jamie related to parts of the song, other parts stood out because it was what he was wanting so much. He wanted to be with Mason and see the way the lights reflected in his eyes and lit up his face. He wanted to put up the tree and wrap presents with Mason. He wanted to enjoy the snow and the cold with him.

The ending of the song was the girls singing the lines ‘to the one I’ve been missing’ and ‘you’re the one I’ve been missing’ over and over, really driving it home that he wasn’t with the one he was needing. Mason _was_ the one Jamie had been missing and he wanted to scream and cry and shout at the world for being unfair. It wasn’t even one singular thing that was holding them apart- Mason had been bombarded with _three_ obstacles keeping him on the east coast. If it had been only one, they might have been able to find a way around it, but three?

The radio then switched to a fun, upbeat song about having fun during the holidays, and Jamie pushed himself up off the couch to hide away in his room.

Moping around the house as the days passed, Jamie felt worse as each morning dawned after a night without sleep. His body hurt and he felt sick, a constant churning in his stomach that protested being on the opposite side of the country from his matching pair.

Elisabeth and Ann Marie noticed that something was wrong, even though they didn’t understand what was happening. They’d tug on his pant legs, but instead of going to play with them, Jamie just picked them up and held them to his chest. They’d want to go outside into the snow, but Jamie couldn’t find the motivation to do more than sit on the back steps until his ass went numb from the cold.

Elisabeth once asked for Mason and Jamie had to leave the room before he started crying in front of her. His mom watched sadly, distracting Elisabeth for him, but she checked in on him not too long after. Frank still occasionally tried to get Jamie to participate in the dinner conversations, but his attempts lessened as the days passed. His mom was the only one who could get through to him. She’d sit with him, sometimes in silence, other times she talked quietly about little nothings and she never tried to pressure him into talking. Even texts and offers to visit from Brodie and Kellen couldn’t give Jamie the will to do or say anything.

For the most part, the only talking he did was on the phone to Mason and to his mom and the majority of his days were spent in his bed or on the couch. It got to a point where Jamie couldn’t find the energy to make it out of his room, even with the calls to Mason. The calls were the only thing keeping him tethered, though after they ended, all he could do was lay in his bed and stare at the ceiling until the light from the sunrise began creeping into his room. Only then would he drift off before waking up two or three hours later. With his lack of sleep, he quickly lost his appetite.

He wondered if it was the distance from his soulmate that was making him sick, or him just falling into a seasonal depression without his friend- one that would pass by the time classes started and he would be busy enough to distract him from how much he missed his best friend.

It was probably both, he thought. Soulmate bonds between best friends were the strongest bonds, and with it, the ones that hurt the most when denied. The platonic and romantic connections joined together to create something extremely difficult- though not impossible- to break, but when it bruised and tore, it was said to be the worst kind of pain imaginable.

Especially considering how long they’d been friends- all those years strengthening the bond they shared. The bond that now felt stretched to its limit.

He lay there in bed a week later, wondering how they’d get through another five months until Mason could come home when there was a knock on his door. His mom walked in after a few seconds of him just staring at the ceiling.

“Hey, sweetie,” she said, sitting at his side.

Her presence helped- his only full-blooded relative in the house- but not by much.

“Hi.”

She brushed his hair off his forehead and he leaned into her touch. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. My head hurts and my chest is tight and there’s a constant feeling that I’m going to throw up soon.”

“Well,” she started, using a tone that seems too casual to be casual. Jamie blinked and looked up at her face to see if her expression would give away anything. It was the same forced-neutral as her voice. “I got you something I thought would help.”

Ignoring the ache in his muscles, Jamie sat up. “Mom?”

She wordlessly handed him her phone and he watched her for a second longer before he looked at what she was showing him. In his dulled mind, it took a few seconds for it to sink in what he was seeing.

It was a confirmation page for an airline with the words _Boise, ID to Newark, NJ_.

He jolted upright, staring at his mom with his mouth dropped open. His hands tightened around her phone.

“You need to go to him,” she said, cupping his cheek.

He looked back down for all the information about his flight as he could get. “When-”

“You should be at the airport for check-in in just under two hours.”

Jamie leapt out of his bed, scrambling around his room. “Two hours?! I’m not- how- I don’t-” He forced himself to stop moving for a second to face his mom. “How long- when’s the return flight?”

She smiled softly. “Two weeks. You should have enough time to settle down when you return and take a break before you go back to school.”

He resumed his disorganized packing, now knowing how long he had to pack for, while his mom watched for a few minutes. Then she began to help, taking out the clothes he threw in his duffle bag to fold them and put them back in. He tore through the house, grabbing things he needed; his toothbrush and toothpaste from the bathroom; his sketchpad and pencil crayons he left in the living room; his phone charger, which, for some reason, was in the kitchen. He grabbed Mason’s Christmas gift from his closet and stuffed it in the bag.

He was already wearing Mason’s hoodie that stopped smelling like him months ago, but his mom took it to quickly wash while she made him shower. To his surprise, it was washed and dried by the time they had to leave, smelling fresher than it had in weeks. When he gave her a curious look, she gave him mini jazz hands and said, “Mom powers” as she did with the girls and Jamie when he was younger and Jamie laughed for the first time in a week.

He scooped up his sisters to kiss them goodbye and they giggled and shrieked, throwing their arms around his neck and he felt a stab of guilt that he had pretty much ignored them since The Phone Call. He felt lighter than he had in a long time, like there was helium in his chest, as he listened to Christmas music on the radio in his mom’s car without wanting to turn it off.

“I’m going to miss Christmas with you! And New Year’s!” Jamie said, suddenly realizing that he’d be out of state until after the holidays.

Taking a hand off the steering wheel, his mom reached over and took his hand. “You two need each other more than you need to be here, honey. The girls will be fine without you for one Christmas.”

“And you?”

She squeezed his hand. “I’ll miss you, but I’ll be okay. And you will be, too. That’s what’s most important right now.”

“I didn’t finish wrapping the stuff I got for the twins and they shouldn’t have to wait until after I get back-”

“-I can take care of that,” she assured.

“I haven’t wrapped yours or Frank’s either.” He added though he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He held tightly to her hand the rest of the drive to the airport.

After checking in at the desk and receiving his boarding pass, Jamie took a few minutes to say goodbye to his mom. It was sooner than he had anticipated when he came home from school. He wrapped her tightly in his arms and poured as much of his love as he could into the hug as she held him back just as tightly.

“ _Thank you_ ,” he said, putting everything into the words. She squeezed him tighter then broke the hug, pulling back to wipe at her eyes and sniffling.

“It’s good to see some light in you again,” his mom said with tears swelling in her eyes again, brushing her fingers over his jaw and Jamie almost joined her in crying. He’d known that seeing him fall apart had hurt her, but he didn’t realize how bad it had been to watch him slowly lose himself.

“I love you,” he said, his eyes filled with tears.

“I love you too. Now go. Say hi to Mason for me.”

The familiar words resonated in his chest and he was filled with an almost-warmth at the thought of being able to say hi for her in person instead of through the phone. He bit back a grin as he made his way to the security line.

He texted his mom when he was through and while he was waiting at the gate, right up until he was on the plane and had to put his phone on airplane mode.

He hadn’t been on a plane before and nerves were twisting his stomach until he was strangling the armrests. Once the plane was in the air, however, he felt fine and he relaxed into his seat. The flight was six hours, so he put in his headphones and tried to sleep.

Jamie woke up over four hours later, surprised that he actually fell asleep but- taking into account his week-long insomnia- he figured it made sense. That and the fact that he was on his way to his soulmate lifted a weight from his chest.

During the last hour of his flight, Jamie was starting to feel more and more anxious about what was happening. He was really flying across the country by himself to a place he’d never gone to. Mason was waiting on the other end, but still…

Mason.

He hadn’t talked to Mason about visiting him and his mom hadn’t mentioned talking to him either. Would he be there when Jamie arrived at Princeton? What if he was out or if Jamie couldn’t find where he was. What if he was busy and didn’t have time to spend with Jamie? Oh god, what if he couldn’t take Jamie in for the two weeks and Jamie had to find somewhere else to stay or to go back to Boise before the two weeks were up?

Jamie stressed as he made his way through the Newark airport, following the crowd to the luggage claim and exit.

Turning off airplane mode, Jamie’s phone immediately began flooding with notifications that made his heart leap into his throat in his panic. He calmed down when he saw that most were from his mom; pictures of his airplane at the gate, on the runway, and taking off; a **Take care, I love you** text; and, a few hours later, directions on how to get from the Newark airport to Princeton University.

There were also two texts from Mason.

**Hey, I’m done early, so I’ll just be in my dorm for the rest of the day if you’re wanting to call**

Then around an hour later:

**I guess you’re busy. Talk to you at our usual time xoxo**

The messages from the two people he cared about most help calm him. He now knew where Mason was and how to get there. He sent a reply to his mom before following her directions, finding the shuttle to the university easy enough.

On the ride, he debated texting Mason back but his nerves had him hesitating until he was close enough that he figured it’d be easier to just find Mason on his own. From his texts, it sounded like Mason was having an okay day without something he _had_ to do that night, which made it the perfect time for Jamie to show up unannounced. He hoped.

Once on the Princeton campus, Jamie stood there for a minute, taking in the view. Mason had said it was gorgeous and Jamie had seen pictures, but neither had done it justice. He had a brief moment of wanting to pull out his sketch pad. Pulling up a map of the campus, Jamie oriented himself to where he was and where Mason’s residence building was, then began walking in its direction.

The air was cold as it snowed lightly and Jamie pulled up the hood of Mason’s sweater, grateful for both it and his winter jacket he was wearing.

At the door to Mason’s building, Jamie had to stop as he saw the doors were locked and he thought back to his own campus that required student ID cards to unlock the doors and he cursed himself for forgetting something as trivial as a locked door.

Thankfully, someone was approaching where he was standing.

“Are you here for someone in this res?” The stranger asked once close enough, looking at the duffle bag hanging off of Jamie’s shoulder.

“Yes. Mason Viveros? I’m his-” he wanted to say boyfriend, but he didn’t know how accepting people were here so he settled with- “best friend.” It wasn’t a lie.

The girl’s eyes lit up with recognition. “Jamie?”

Startled, Jamie nodded.

Laughing, she said, “Best friend, my ass. I think you forgot to mention boyfriend and soulmate.” she paused for a second. “Unless something happened and you’re here to win his heart back? Oh, how romantic. He has been pretty down lately, though I assumed it was because he missed you. Well, I know he misses you, it’s really obvious. Also, he said so.”

The girl was chatting up a bigger storm swirling around them- which wasn’t much, but still- and Jamie had to take a moment to process what she said.

“Um, no. We didn’t break up. I just, I didn’t know…” He didn’t know how to finish the sentence without hurting her feelings.

“How open-minded people are here?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

She smiled sadly. “I know what you mean. My sister sometimes gets people bothering her because she’s bisexual. It pisses me off.”

They were quiet for a second before Jamie said, “Are we just going to stand here, or…?”

“Oh!” The girl jumped, eyes widening. “I’m so sorry. I was just so glad to see you’re here for Mason.”

Even though he just met the girl- he didn’t even know her name yet- he knew he liked her, especially because she was a friend of Mason’s and seemed to care so much about him.

“He’ll be so glad to see you,” she continued as she unlocked the door. “I know it’s been rough for him, especially this past week since we were asked to stay.”

Jamie stepped into the building, instantly warming in the shelter from the snow. “Are you also on the project with him?”

“Yes, I am,” she said, picking up a clipboard from the table in the entranceway and filling in a row of the chart. “I have to sign you in and then you can go to him. Does he know you’re coming? Erh, here?”

“Um, I don’t know,” he answered honestly, taking the sign-in form when she handed it to him. He signed where she pointed. “My mom was actually the one to set this up.”

The girl smiled at him. “That’s so sweet. He’s in room 309. Up the stairs and to the right.”

He looked to the stairwell in the direction she was gesturing to then back at her. “Thank you so much, um. What’s your name?”

“Sophie.” She gave him a two-finger salute then turned and walked in the opposite direction.

Standing in front of the door marked 309, Jamie wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and knocked.

There was a beat of silence, some shuffling from the other side of the door, then it opened and Jamie’s breath caught in his throat.

Mason was there, looking back at him. 

He looked worse than the last time they facetimed, exhaustion clinging to every part of him. The bags under his eyes were dark and his shoulders were slumped. He was holding onto the door as though his arm was too heavy to hold up on its own, the weight of his body pulling him down. The weariness and fatigue were depleting him of the bright, intelligent energy Jamie had never seen him without.

But Mason was _there_. Only two feet in front of him.

Mason’s eyes widened and he fell back a step. That… wasn’t the reaction Jamie was hoping for.

“That’s it, I’ve gone crazy. I’m hallucinating,” he mumbled to himself.

Jamie reached out and took his hands in both of his. “You’re not.”

There was a jolt that rushed through him when they touched for the first time in months. Strength and energy slowly started to seep up his arms and he knew Mason could feel it too.

Mason stared at their hands, his jaw dropped. Tilting his head up, Mason looked up at Jamie, eyes shining with tears.

“Jamie?” He said quietly. He sounded so hopeful and Jamie’s heart reached out for him. “You’re…”

“I’m here,” Jamie said, finishing his sentence.

Then Mason had him in a death gripping hug before he could blink.

“Oh my god,” Mason sobbed into the crook of Jamie’s neck. “You’re, you’re here. You’re really here.”

Jamie wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and _this_ , this felt right. This was what he was needing ever since they parted in August. He needed Mason’s body- his soulmate’s body- pressed firmly against his. Pins and needles started to spread like wildfire across his skin as it felt like it’s been woken up for the first time in years.

Mason was shaking in his arms and Jamie kicked the door shut behind them. They stood there, just a few feet into Mason’s room, embracing and cradling each other and pulling closer, closer, closer for what seemed like forever. Drinking in his soulmate, Jamie ran his hand up and down Mason’s back and pressed teary kisses to his curls until they were all cried out.

Even after they let go of the hug, neither of them stopped reaching for the other, the need for physical contact too much to ignore. Instead, they stood there hand in hand, foreheads touching and stared into each other’s eyes.

“You’re really here,” Mason mumbled to himself again.

“I am.”

“…How? I mean, _how_? What are- when- what?”

Jamie smiled and thread his fingers through the baby curls at the nape of Mason’s neck. His hair was damp and he smelled of the same shampoo he always used.

Mason brought his own hands up to caress Jamie’s face, his fingers and palms brushing his jaw while his thumbs delicately traced over his cheekbones. He hadn’t looked away from Jamie once, as though he still believed that he was hallucinating or dreaming.

With his hand in Mason’s hair, Jamie guided him into a kiss that Mason melted into and reciprocated eagerly.

Walking backwards, Mason led them to his bed and sat down, pulling Jamie with him. Without breaking the kiss, Mason pushed his textbooks and notebooks out of the way. Jamie laughed into Mason’s lips and straddled his hips.

Mason moved to pull them both onto the bed properly, but Jamie pulled back enough to mumble, “I still have my shoes on.”

That apparently wasn’t enough to slow his boyfriend down, because Mason just kissed him again and reached behind Jamie to tug them off before grabbing at the zipper of his jacket. With Jamie’s outdoor attire off, Mason hooked an arm behind Jamie’s neck and lay back and rolled them over until he was lying on top of Jamie.

Jamie tugged on Mason’s hair and Mason responded by gripping the sweater Jamie was wearing in clenched fists.

They kissed and kissed until Jamie’s lips were tender and then kissed some more. Mason alternated between smiling and giggling between kisses and crying and mumbling ‘you’re here’ into Jamie’s lips.

After what felt like hours, they found themselves just lying there, Mason tucked into Jamie’s side with a hand resting over his heart. Looking down at his boyfriend, Jamie felt better, more content than he had in a long time.

“Hey,” he said, trailing his fingers over Mason’s face. Over his jaw and straight nose. His eyebrows and cheekbones.

Mason’s eyes were soft as he studied him back. “Hi.”

Jamie tilted his head down and gently kissed him. Mason’s lips were chapped now, but just as kissable as he remembered. And he kissed them until they were wet and puffy.

Sliding his hand up over his chest, Mason caught Jamie’s chin between his thumb and index finger when they broke apart. “How are you here?”

“Mom got me a flight this morning. She said I need to be here with you more than I’m needed at home. I’ve been there for almost two weeks and I’ll be there when I leave, before classes start. Speaking of Mom, I should let her know I got here okay.” He sat up and grabbed his jacket from the floor, fishing out his phone. Mason’s arms shifted to wrap around his waist.

Partway through typing the message to his mom, Jamie looked down to Mason, where his face was smushed into his side. He ran his fingers through his curls, which were mostly dry. “Mom says ‘hi,’ by the way.”

Mason opened his eyes to peer up at him. “Tell her I say ‘hi.’ And that she’s amazing and I love her very much.”

Jamie rubbed his head before doing just that.

“When do you have to go?” Mason sounded scared, worried about Jamie leaving sooner than he wanted. Sooner than he could handle. Wanting to soothe him, Jamie moved his hand to rub his back.

“Two weeks,” he echoed his mother from earlier that day. It was weird to think that he was laying on his bed, hating the situation they were in, the same day that had him and Mason cuddling on a different bed thousands of miles away.

The answer seemed to satisfy Mason because he closed his eyes and turned his face into Jamie’s ~~Mason’s~~ sweater. Tension seeped out of his muscles and he relaxed under Jamie’s touch.

Turning to face him again, Mason said, “That’s in the new year. You’ll miss both holidays with your family.”

Jamie laid back down, curling on his side to mirror his boyfriend. He reached out and wrapped his arm around him, pulling Mason closer. “You’re my family, too.”

Mason’s cheeks darkened a little and he buried his face into Jamie’s chest without saying anything.

It was warm and comfortable in Mason’s twin-sized bed and the lack of sleep was beginning to catch up to Jamie, despite his nap on the plane. His eyes grew heavy and he only moved when Mason sat up to pull the blankets over them. As soon as he was laying down again, Jamie drew him in so they were back to chest, their bodies fitting snugly together, and nuzzled his nose into Mason’s curls. He kissed the soft spot just behind his ear and Mason made a happy, sleepy noise and laced their fingers together over his chest.

Even though Jamie was exhausted and on the verge of drifting off, he heard Mason’s breathing even out as he fell asleep in his arms. It didn’t take long for Jamie to fall asleep too.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays! Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I hope you enjoyed my story and you are safe and well! I hope 2020 wasn't too rough on you- but if it did, feel free to talk to me! Or talk to me even if your year was okay! As always, I can be found on Tumblr (larrylashton98 or fanartsarahtregay) but now I also started an Instagram account! (fan.art.sarah.tregay)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you did like it, kudos and/or comments are much appreciated!


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